The Top 12 Things Uttered by Yoda While Making Love:
12. "Ahhh! Yoda's little friend you seek!"
11. "Urm. Put a shield on my saber I must."
10. "Feel the force!"
9. "Foreplay, cuddling - a Jedi craves not these things."
8. "Down here, I am. Find a ladder, I must!"
7. "Do me or do me not - there is no try."
6. "Early must I rise. Leave now you must!"
5. "You know, this would be a lot more fun without Frank Oz's hand up my ass."
4. "Happens to every guy sometimes this does."
3. "When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmm?"
2. "Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are!"
1. "Who's your Jedi master? WHO'S your Jedi Master?"
AND
THAT YOU SPEND TO MUCH TIME ON COMPUTERS
1. YOU TRY TO ENTER YOUR PASSWORD ON THE MICROWAVE.
2. YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED SOLITAIRE WITH REAL CARDS FOR YEARS.
3. YOU HAVE A LIST OF 15 PHONE NUMBERS TO REACH YOUR FAMILY OF 3.
4. YOU E-MAIL YOUR BUDDY WHO WORKS AT THE DESK NEXT TO YOU TO ASK:
"DO YOU WANT TO GO GET A COFFEE?"; AND HE REPLIES: "YEAH, GIVE ME FIVE MINS"
5. YOU CHAT SEVERAL TIMES A DAY WITH A STRANGER FROM SOUTH AMERICA, BUT
YOU HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO YOUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR YET THIS YEAR.
6. YOUR REASON FOR NOT STAYING IN TOUCH WITH FRIENDS IS THAT THEY ARE
NOT ONLINE.
7. YOUR IDEA OF BEING ORGANISED IS MULTIPLE COLOURED POST-IT NOTES.
8. YOU HEAR MOST OF YOUR JOKES VIA EMAIL RATHER THAN IN PERSON.
9. WHEN YOU GO HOME AFTER A LONG DAY AT WORK YOU STILL ANSWER THE PHONE
IN A BUSINESS LIKE MANNER.
10. WHEN YOU MAKE PHONE CALLS FROM HOME, YOU AUTOMATICALLY DIAL A "9" TO GET AN OUTSIDE LINE.
11. YOUR CV IS ON A DISKETTE IN YOUR POCKET.
12. YOU REALLY GET EXCITED ABOUT A 1.7% PAY INCREASE.
13. YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW MANY DAYS YOU'VE GOT LEFT UNTIL YOU RETIRE.
14. FREE FOOD LEFT OVER FROM MEETINGS IS YOUR STAPLE DIET.
15. BEING SICK IS DEFINED AS YOU CAN'T WALK OR YOU'RE IN THE HOSPITAL.
16. YOU'RE ALREADY LATE ON THE ASSIGNMENT YOU JUST RECEIVED.
17. YOUR RELATIVES AND FRIENDS DESCRIBE YOUR JOB AS "WORKS WITH COMPUTERS".
18. YOU ONLY HAVE MAKEUP FOR FLUORESCENT LIGHTING.
AND THE CLINCHERS ARE...............
19. YOU READ THIS ENTIRE LIST AND YOU KEEP NODDING AND SMILING.
20. AS YOU READ THIS LIST, YOU THINK ABOUT FORWARDING IT TO YOUR E-MAIL
BUDDIES.
21. IT CROSSES YOUR MIND THAT YOUR "JOKES GROUP" MAY HAVE ALREADY SEEN THIS LIST BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO CHECK SO YOU FORWARD IT ANYWAY.
