Pensions bonus :)
25 February 2008, 10:09 AM
#1
Pensions bonus :)
yes, yes I know it is an old joke, but someone, somewhere who has lived in a cave for the last 20 years, may not have heard it 
The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and
decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement, a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top
of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured
at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes.
He walked out with £96,000
The third one was a grizzly, old, long-in-the-tooth Sea King pilot who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my ***** to my *********.' It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old boy insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed him to 'drop 'em', which he did.
The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his *****
and began to work back.
'Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your *********?'
The old boy calmly replied.................
'The Falklands '.
The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and
decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement, a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top
of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured
at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes.
He walked out with £96,000
The third one was a grizzly, old, long-in-the-tooth Sea King pilot who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my ***** to my *********.' It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old boy insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed him to 'drop 'em', which he did.
The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his *****
and began to work back.
'Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your *********?'
The old boy calmly replied.................
'The Falklands '.
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