I'm in trouble with the missus

[Xx-IAN-xX]

She told me we couldn`t afford beer anymore and that i would have to quit. Then i caught her spending £65 on makeup. I asked her, how come i have to give up stuff but she didn`t. She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me. I told her that was what the beer was for. I don`t think she`s coming back

[PaulC72]

Originally Posted by Xx-IAN-xX

She told me we couldn`t afford beer anymore and that i would have to quit. Then i caught her spending £65 on makeup. I asked her, how come i have to give up stuff but she didn`t. She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me. I told her that was what the beer was for. I don`t think she`s coming back

I'd get a new joke book from the archives...

[The Dogs B******s]

Originally Posted by Xx-IAN-xX

She told me we couldn`t afford beer anymore and that i would have to quit. Then i caught her spending £65 on makeup. I asked her, how come i have to give up stuff but she didn`t. She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me. I told her that was what the beer was for. I don`t think she`s coming back

Sh*te

[Paul Habgood]

older than the internet, please put this ****e in muppets in future

[V5RLTD]

[Trout]

Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.

So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."

He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.

He replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don't you go talk to them?"

So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.

When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?"

To this he replies, "Small world."

[Beastie]

Irish Virginity Test Kit
Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.
His doctor says, "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."
Paddy asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"
The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...", you hit her with the shovel

[jay1601]

[Leslie]

Originally Posted by Xx-IAN-xX

She told me we couldn`t afford beer anymore and that i would have to quit. Then i caught her spending £65 on makeup. I asked her, how come i have to give up stuff but she didn`t. She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me. I told her that was what the beer was for. I don`t think she`s coming back

Now that did make me laugh!

Les

[ste123]

[BattyTwollox]

[scoobysteve2286]

Jordan has dumped Alex Reid. Whilst doing the sunday lunch she asked him to turn on the veg. Apparently, giving Harvey a w*nk isn't what she meant

[lord love rocket]

Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm, so the two decide to go to the doctors to find out why. After a number of tests and questions, the doc suggests paddys wife may be over heating during sex.
Paddy refuses to buy a fan, so decides to get his mate around to waft a towel on them during sex. After 20 mins of wafting, she still hasn't orgasmed, so paddys mate suggests a swap, "I'll sh@g her and you waft the towel". Paddy agrees and within 30 seconds, paddys wife is wriggling around the bed with pleasure, and soon has the best orgasm ever, paddy turns to his friend slowly and says, now that my friend is how you waft a f**king towel

[paulwrxboro]

Originally Posted by lord love rocket

Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm, so the two decide to go to the doctors to find out why. After a number of tests and questions, the doc suggests paddys wife may be over heating during sex.
Paddy refuses to buy a fan, so decides to get his mate around to waft a towel on them during sex. After 20 mins of wafting, she still hasn't orgasmed, so paddys mate suggests a swap, "I'll sh@g her and you waft the towel". Paddy agrees and within 30 seconds, paddys wife is wriggling around the bed with pleasure, and soon has the best orgasm ever, paddy turns to his friend slowly and says, now that my friend is how you waft a f**king towel

Now thats a class joke nearly made me PMSL

[zippy!]

Originally Posted by lord love rocket

Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm, so the two decide to go to the doctors to find out why. After a number of tests and questions, the doc suggests paddys wife may be over heating during sex.
Paddy refuses to buy a fan, so decides to get his mate around to waft a towel on them during sex. After 20 mins of wafting, she still hasn't orgasmed, so paddys mate suggests a swap, "I'll sh@g her and you waft the towel". Paddy agrees and within 30 seconds, paddys wife is wriggling around the bed with pleasure, and soon has the best orgasm ever, paddy turns to his friend slowly and says, now that my friend is how you waft a f**king towel

F*CKING QUALITY

[lord love rocket]

Will try and post a few more.. glad you like it. lol

[lord love rocket]

paddy gives 36 red roses to his wife. Thrilled, she undresses,lies down, and says "this is for the roses", "why" says paddy, havent we got a vase?

Al jazeera have caused murder in the middle east by showing an episode of the flintstones in some countries.
Saudi arabia dont get it, but abu dhabi do ;-)

[rookymatt]

Paddy runs into a pub to find his mate. He shouts "Mick someone's nicked your car!" Mick shouts out "what did they look like?" Paddy replies "no idea, but i got his number plate!"
Buh bum Tsss.

[intergrale4x4]

Got stopped by the cops on a B road lastnight doing 120 Cop says "Give me one good reason for the speed you where doing" I just told him "Two months ago my wife ran off with a traffic copper, when I saw you behind me I thought you where bringing her back"

[lord love rocket]

Tiger woods
John Terry
Ashley cole
Vernon kay
Mark Owen

what have they all got in common..?

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Wives who need to make more of a f***ing effort!



Paddys wedding night, and his new bride is lying on the bed, naked with her legs spread.. she says you know what i want?

paddy responds...
all the f***ing bed by the look of it!

[Jamie]

Old skool corner